I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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