I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
