it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize