her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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