Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
