So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
