this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
