ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
