I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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