I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
