So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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