True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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