Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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