Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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