You just made me feel so damn special
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
