that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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