I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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