is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
