Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
