this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
