I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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