I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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