evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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