I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
