even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
