when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
