I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I could fuck to npr.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
