What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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