so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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