He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
