I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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