I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
