pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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