you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
