Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You smell like stripper and shame
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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