Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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