You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize