What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
