I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
