just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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