i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
