you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Your cock deserves a montage
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
