I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
