I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize