I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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