best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize