ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
