wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
