we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I will be naked everywhere
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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