I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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