she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
