I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
