so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
