i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
