my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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