Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
