So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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