Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
