Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
