you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
