I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
