I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
