is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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