im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
