i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
