I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
