i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
