I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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