can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
