im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
