I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
