It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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