i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
