he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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