Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
