Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
bring money and cleavage
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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