i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
