where does the pee come out of this thing
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
