Whod you bang
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
