Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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